


Carry them with you and I’ll never leave

by Miralana



Series: the moments go by [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Bellamy Blake, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Omega John Murphy, Post-Season/Series 02, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 11:50:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4875772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miralana/pseuds/Miralana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s then that the thought hits him.<br/>He’s going to die buried under the fucking bathroom walls because Jaha thinks it’s his destiny to blow them all to hell. And of course it couldn’t have happened when he’s wallowing in self-pity anyway, no, it’s just the moment when Murphy had dared to hope that everything might turn out okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carry them with you and I’ll never leave

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Raign "Don't Let Me Go"
> 
> Also a big thanks to [keihi](http://keihi.tumblr.com/) who beta read this fic for me.

When Murphy wakes up he feels numb. He can’t hear anything, he can’t open his eyes, and he can’t move his limbs.

He doesn’t know how long it takes him to realise that his eyes are open but it’s so dark that it doesn’t feel like it and that he can move his body it’s just that he’s lost the feeling in all of his limbs.

Murphy wants to scream, he wnats to move, but he can’t and he’s starting to get really afraid.

 

He doesn’t know how long he lies there but at some point the buzzing in his ears dies down and leaves screams and the sound of a fire burning the camp.

His skin and muscles hurt like hell but he forces himself to move one hand under his face because there is so much dirt in his mouth and he can’t hold his head up by himself. Or maybe he could but it doesn’t feel that way.

It’s still dark around and only the noises tell him that he’s not the only living person in this god forsaken camp. Maybe whatever that was hasn’t killed anyone.

And what the hell had that been anyway? Has Jaha been building a fucking bomb? To kill them all?

Murphy tries to roll his eyes but he’s not sure if he quite manages it and it’s not like anyone is here to see it anyway.

Wherever he is. It’s so dark he can’t really figure it out.

He can move his legs a few centimetres before he hits something and when he moves his right arm he can feel metal.

He realises that he’s buried under a part of the building with god knows how many tons of concrete over him. And no one knows that he’s down here.

Dying quickly looks like a nice alternative right now.

 

* * *

 

At some point he starts hearing voices.

Maybe someone is talking, maybe he is actually dying, he doesn’t know. What he does know is that if there’s someone there, they might be able to find him, help him.

What he doesn’t account for is someone trying to move the building on top of him. It starts with a noise, like metal scraping over metal and a cold brush of air around his leg.

And then he feels the whole thing shifting.

He’s not sure where he gets the strength but as soon as he feels the walls on his right side move he rolls himself over – his shoulders drag against the metal above him – and collides with the wall to his left.

It’s the one he hasn’t touched yet so it comes as a total surprise when the edges touch his skin and slice it right open.

Murphy yells and tries to move away again but in that exact moment the wall comes down and leaves him trapped between it and the sharp edges.

At least now he’s on his back so he doesn’t have to worry about eating dirt anymore.

He tries to calm his breathing because he can’t do anything else. There’s a wall to his left and sharp edges to his right and maybe about half a meter of space above him.

He feels like he’s lying in a coffin, just waiting for the moving fragments of the buildings around him to end his life.

 

Every few minutes he hears the metal move.

There are pained screams, angry yells and the overwhelming noise of his death coming closer with any second.

His arm hurts like hell where he cut himself and even though the fear that came from not being able to feel his limbs due to lying the wrong way is gone, he’s now pretty sure that he’s either going to be crushed, suffocated or just die from blood loss. The last one is probably the one that’s most unlikely but since it’s still dark and he can’t see a single thing he can only guess by how much blood he feels under his arm.

It’s then that the thought hits him.

He’s going to die buried under the fucking bathroom walls because Jaha thinks it’s his destiny to blow them all to hell. And of course it couldn’t have happened when he’s wallowing in self-pity anyway, no, it’s just the moment when Murphy had dared to hope that everything might turn out okay.

He’s going to kill Jaha, he decides. If he survives this, he is going to kill him.

Thinking about the different ways he’s going to kill Jaha distracts him a bit from the pain in his arm and the soreness of his throat. His skin still feels like it’s going to rip open soon but the pain from the cuts is strong enough to numb it down a bit.

And then the wall over him starts to come down.

Murphy yells. He isn’t sure what he yells and he’s even less sure what comes out because his throat is on fire but it stops and when Murphy raises his good arm there’s about a hand’s breadth between his face and the wall.

He swallows.

And then it starts moving again.

“Stop it!” Murphy manages to get out and it stops immediately.

“Told… heard…”

He can’t quite make out what they’re saying but he’s pretty sure it means that someone is aware of him. Which means that now he’ll only get crushed by a wallby accident. Life is so good right now.

And suddenly there is light.

Murphy has to squint because it hurts his eyes and it takes a while to get used to brightness again but then he turns his head to the right and looks directly into Bellamy’s face.

Bellamy’s mouth is open, his eyes are glued to Murphy’s face and Murphy would probably think that it’s really funny if it weren’t for the fact that he would kill someone to just hug Bellamy right now and inhale his scent. He wouldn’t even care about the fact that Bellamy is sweaty and dirty.

And now that there’s air coming in he feels like he can finally breathe again, like his throat won’t give up on him – even though it still hurts – and just like he might not die. It’s kind of a good feeling.

“What did you find?” asks a voice and Raven’s face appears in the small opening.

She takes one look at Murphy and rolls her eyes. “You’re like a cockroach, unbelievable.”

“Raven,” Bellamy says and she puts on a fake smile.

“Yeah, yeah.” And then she pushes Bellamy out of the way and Murphy wants to protest until she shines a light inside his coffin and curses. She gets back up again and Murphy hears her talking to someone.

“He’s like a second away from being about an inch tall. We can’t pull him out without cutting off his arm. So we gotta move the whole thing.”

He hears a yell from whoever is in charge and then Bellamy is back down again.

“We’re gonna get you out of there, you hear me?” he says and smiles at Murphy and god damn it, Murphy hates this whole situation so much. Bellamy doesn’t even know that Murphy isn’t dating Miller and he’s still behaving like this.

“Can–” he starts before he can stop himself. “Could you stay?”

And then he wants to hit himself over the head or crawl into some kind of dark hole – hey, maybe he could squeeze somewhere further down – because that’s not him, he’s not the kind of person who says stupid shit like that.

“Neverm–”

“Sure, of course,” Bellamy says. He yells something to someone up there and looks down again. And that look in his eyes. Oh god, now that Murphy knows that Bellamy thinks he isn’t interested it’s so obvious. How could he have missed that?

He knows how. Lack of self-esteem and pure cowardice.

Bellamy flops down on his belly and props himself up on his arms and Murphy thinks that he must look ridiculous from the outside, lying there on the ground, looking at him.

“You don’t have to stay,” Murphy says. “There are probably other people who need your help.”

Bellamy chuckles at that. “Everyone who was hit by the explosion is already in medical… or underneath this pile of crap.”

Murphy laughs. “Yeah, where am I by the way? Because I was in front of the bathrooms when the god damn thing exploded.”

“Well… we’re next to engineering at the moment.”

Holy shit. How far is that? He must have been pitchforked through the air. That explains so much about the pain in his body.

“Huh,” Murphy looks up at the wall above him. “So how bad do I look?” He clears his throat, because the soreness is still there and takes a look at Bellamy when he still hasn’t answered after about half a minute.

“What? Am I missing an eye? Is my nose gone? Am I just a head lying around not realising that I’m not actually alive anymore?”

“No! You have some minor cuts and burns…” So he’s probably covered in blisters and blood. Wonderful.

“But you look okay.”

Murphy raises an eyebrow. “Well if I look okay…”

And Bellamy laughs and closes his eyes. Then he looks up again and his smile dies, his eyes become sad. God, Murphy hates these situations now that he knows what’s going on.

“I’m sorry,” Bellamy starts and Murphy rolls his eyes. He’s not sure if Bellamy is able to see it but he guesses that the chances aren’t that bad. Murphy’s eye-rolls are kind of impressive.

“What are you sorry for? That was funny.”

“For everything?” Bellamy says and looks down. “Clarke said you wanted to talk to me and that you were waiting here and I guess…” He bites his lip and Murphy raises his eyebrows. “You wouldn’t be under this thing if you wouldn’t have to tell me to stop bothering you.”

“Is that what Clarke said?” Murphy croaks and he is so going to hit her. He will wait for Miller to heal, then Miller can hit her for getting him hurt and then Murphy will do the same.

“She kind of implied it.”

Of cour– “Wait, what did she say?” He doesn’t trust Bellamy’s comprehension skills just like he doesn’t trust his own at the moment. They wasted two months on things that were _implied_.

“That you had something to say to me about _us_.”

Murphy sinks his teeth into his lip. A few hours ago he would have understood this the same way Bellamy did. He would have been sad, maybe even angry and he would have hated his life. But now he knows and…

“And I get that I shouldn’t have followed you, both times, and I get if I made you uncomfortable–”

“Shut the fuck up,” Murphy interrupts him and then cringes. Probably not the best words to say in this situation and to someone he… well… someone he likes.

Bellamy has gone quiet. His eyes are turned down and his hands are clenched into fists.

Sometimes Murphy is a real idiot.

“Fuck,” he closes his eyes and hits his head against the ground once. He really needs to get out of this place. How long can it take?

“I–”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Bellamy’s voice is strained, his body is giving off stress pheromones and it’s making Murphy really anxious. “I’m aware of what I did to you, here and at the Dropship and I will take full responsibility–”

“I’m not dating Miller.”

Bellamy stops talking. Blinks. Finally looks at him with wide brown eyes. Murphy could sigh just looking at them if they didn’t belong to such a dumbass.

“Of course you are.”

“Nope. Never have, never will be. Monty however, who is actually dating him, will probably rip my head off if I try.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Do you know what doesn’t make any sense? You thinking I am dating him.”

“But you always smell like him.”

“Because we share a room.”

“And you avoided me.”

“Because I didn’t know what to say to you.” Murphy hopes that everyone is too busy working to listen to them because this conversation is really not something he wants anyone to hear.

“And then you just left after my rut.”

“You said you didn’t want me there in the beginning!”

“That’s not true.”

“You said _‘I would never have agreed to this if I had known what would happen’_. I remember that okay?”

“But that doesn’t make any sense if you’re not actually dating Miller.”

“I thought I raped you, okay?!” Murphy says, probably a bit too loud and he’s suddenly aware of how much noise there had been just a second ago.

He hears someone say “Holy shit!” and nearly raises his arm to put it over his head. The only thing stopping him from it are the sharp edges that immediately start to cut into his skin. He lowers his arm before anything bad can happen. At least he hopes so.

He takes a look at Bellamy who’s looking at him, his face apparently frozen, eyebrows raised, mouth open.

“What?” is the only thing that comes out of Bellamy’s mouth and Murphy shrugs. Or tries to. It probably looks ridiculous.

“With the things you said… you know…” Murphy says slowly and Bellamy looks down. His eyes start flickering from one side to the other and a mixture of emotions goes over his face.

Murphy doesn’t have to be in his head to know that Bellamy is probably remembering all of their encounters and processing these new information.

It takes him a lot less time than it took Murphy to come to the conclusion apparently and Murphy hates him for that. Or, no, he doesn’t actually, he’s pretty happy about it.

“So you’re saying that everything was just a misunderstanding?”

Someone else says “What the fuck?” up there and Murphy really needs to hit someone in the face.

“I think so?” he offers. “I mean we apparently both read a few situations the wrong way and thought that the other one wasn’t interested even though … we are?” Oh god he can’t believe he said that out loud. In front of people. Who definitely heard him.

But then a grin slips on Bellamy’s face, going from one ear to the other and Murphy blushes. It’s probably the happy pheromones. Nothing else.

And then Bellamy nods and laughs and Murphy can’t suppress a smile that’s so broad it makes his face hurt.

“That was disgusting,” Raven says as her boots stop next to Bellamy’s face. “I’m ashamed to know both of you.”

Murphy wants to yell at her that she’s ruining their moment but then she bends down.

“You ready to get out of there?” she asks and Murphy nods.

“Hell yeah.”

 

They have to lift the wall that crashed down next to him before they can get him, which is probably the most traumatizing experience Murphy ever had.

They can’t lift it enough to get him out of there, only for him to see the light of day. With that wall gone they manage to pull the one at his feet back which means they can just pull him out of there. If he doesn’t get cut into pieces.

“Can you roll a bit to the left?” Raven asks him and Murphy isn’t really sure if he wants that considering the fact that the wall could come down at any point. As soon as they can’t hold it up anymore.

Nevertheless he rolls over, grips his elbows with his hands and takes a deep breath before two pairs of hands pull him out of his metal coffin.

And then he’s out and he’s being pulled to his feet. Someone has to hold him up because he’s in pain and he’s a bit weak in the knees. He can’t even look at the camp or at the damage Jaha did, because Bellamy is in front of him, touching his shoulders and his face and Murphy realises that there is absolutely no reason for him not to just hug Bellamy.

“You okay?” Bellamy asks, relieved smile on his face and Murphy nods. There are black dots dancing in front of his eyes and he’s feeling really dizzy but it’s nothing compared to what he felt a few minutes ago.

He tries to get a better stand on the ground because it feels like there’s an earthquake going on or like they’re on the boat in the middle of the ocean.

“I feel fine.” He says. “Totally amazing.” And then he faints.

 

* * *

 

Murphy is pretty sure he’s dead when he opens his eyes.

He’s lying face down on something that’s pretty comfortable and he’s not in pain, so he must be dead.

He’s pretty okay with his new dead-ness until he tries to move his arms and groans in pain.

Wiggling his toes and fingers is painful, so he doesn’t even try to move the rest of his body and just lets his face fall down onto the pillow and groans into it.

“You’re awake!” Jackson says and Murphy turns his head to where he’s standing.

“But at what cost?” he asks and Jackson smiles. Holy shit, his throat is sore. He tries swallowing and starts coughing and Jackson immediately brings him a cup of water.

He puts a rag in it – hopefully a clean one – and soaks it before putting it between Murphy’s lips. Murphy rolls his eyes at him which makes his head hurt even more.

“You slept for two days. We tried giving you water and food but there’s next to nothing in your stomach at the moment, so stop bitching.”

Murphy lets out another groan and sucks every little bit of water down. It burns like hell in his throat and his stomach doesn’t agree either – damn Jackson and him being right about this.

He wants to ask questions – what happened, where’s Bellamy, why is his body hurting so much – but he feels so tired all of a sudden. Jackson brushes through his hair with a feather light touch and Murphy closes his eyes again.

He can ask later.

 

* * *

 

He wakes up because the sun is shining directly into his eyes and he tries to turn around to shield himself. But as soon as he tries to move there are hands on his legs, holding him down.

“Don’t move,” Jackson says and Murphy turns his head to look at him again.

“Why?” he rasps and Jackson’s eyes flick down to his back.

“You … got hurt when you hit the ground, I guess. Bellamy says you must have been thrown nearly twenty meters and it left some damage.”

“What do you mean?” he asks and tries to look over his shoulder. But the second he does his whole back starts hurting and holy shit, this isn’t nice. He hadn’t felt this pain earlier but he guesses that it might have been adrenaline or the pain from the wound on his arm.

“You’ve lost a lot of skin on your back. Especially around the shoulder blades.” Jackson bites his lips. “You probably won’t be able to lie on it for a while.”

He’s not sure if Jackson is sugar-coating it because honestly it feels like there’s nothing left of his back.

“What else?” he asks and Jackson sits down on a chair next to the bed.

“Well, you got some minor burns and cuts – well, everything is minor in comparison to _that_ – and you cut your right arm in six different places. It’s one of the reasons you fainted. That and the shock from the explosion and your back, mostly. You can be very happy that Bellamy was there to catch you. You probably would have hit your head otherwise.”

“Hm,” Murphy opens his mouth when Jackson gives him another cloth full of water.

“So, where’s Bellamy?” he asks after he is done with it.

“He was sitting on your bedside nearly the entire time.”

“So he’s catching a break?”

“How’s your stomach?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Is Jackson trying to evade his question? Or maybe he’s just doing what a doctor and friend should do.

“Then try small sips.”

He raises his head as much as he can when Jackson holds the water cup to his mouth. After taking three small sips he shakes his head and Jackson puts it down again. Jackson is looking everywhere but at him.

“Jackson, where is he?” Oh god, did he dream all of that? Did something bad happen to him?

“Well… someone tell you what Jaha did?” Totally trying to change the subject. Wonderful. Jackson can go fuck himself.

He shakes his head and gets ready for the story he kind of cares about but that he really doesn’t want to hear now.

“Apparently some computer lady at the City of Light told him that mankind needs to be wiped out. She is also the one who started the war a hundred years ago? And now she’s trying to finish it.”

Murphy blinks. What the fuck.

“And she has these drones and some Grounders working for her who bring her everything that has anything to do with technology.” Jackson shrugs and Murphy thinks back to that day in the desert with Emori and her brother who had been looking for tech.

“And she got the missile Jaha came down with. So Jaha was supposed to kill everyone here. But he wasn’t done with it yet so it only damaged the bathrooms and tore a pretty big hole in the kitchen.”

Murphy is still blinking. “What the fuck?” he finally says. “I mean I knew he was up to something but this crazy shit?”

Jackson just raises his eyebrows and shrugs. “I know. So Jaha said she’s also going to attack the Grounders, who are apparently having some extremely important meeting at their capital. And everyone who can make the journey will be there.”

“What do we care about the Grounders?”

“Don’t ask me, wasn’t my idea.”

“What?”

“Well it was decided that we should warn them. So a delegation left yesterday.”

Murphy nearly manages to prop himself up on his arms. ‘Nearly’ meaning he gets one arm under him and doesn’t make it any further before excruciating pain makes him fall down.

“No,” he says. Jackson gets up and retrieves something from a table nearby.

He sits down again and unfolds it. “He left you a shirt to wear and calm you down.”

Murphy shakes his head, his fingernails are digging into the mattress.

“He said he’ll be back in a week.”

He’s going to fucking kill Bellamy.

 

* * *

 

Murphy isn’t sure how long he screams into his pillow. He’s angry, he’s in pain and okay, yeah, he’s also in emotional pain because what the fuck is Bellamy thinking, just leaving now in the exact moment that Murphy thinks everything could be okay again?

The whole ordeal tires him out so much that he falls asleep right afterwards and when he wakes up again it’s dark outside and he’s alone.

Or he thinks he’s alone. Because the second he turns his head to the chair he sees Miller sitting there, hands over his own wound and bored expression on his face.

Murphy groans. Miller huffs.

They’re both in pain and don’t want to talk about it. And then Monty is there, balancing a can on his hand.

“You’re awake!” he says and drops carefully down on Miller’s lap.

Murphy just groans in answer. As soon as he smells the soup he realises just how hungry he is. His stomach growls and he stretches his left hand out.

Miller snorts and Monty rolls his eyes. They all know that Murphy won’t be able to hold the can or the spoon but he really doesn’t want to be fed.

But then Monty sets the can down and gets something out of his jacket pocket. There’s bread in a plastic bag and Murphy doesn’t think that something has ever looked this good in his life.

Monty rips some of it off and dips it into the soup. He gives it to Murphy who nearly lets it fall down because holy shit his fingers really aren’t used to holding things. Or maybe it’s the hunger.

“Chew slowly,” Miller reminds him and Murphy chews three times before swallowing it. It probably tastes horrible but at the moment he fucking loves every single bit.

But then Monty doesn’t give him more.

“Man, come on,” he says and Monty shakes his head.

“We’ll have to see how your stomach reacts to it. If you can hold it down you get more.”

Murphy groans and buries his head in the mattress.

“Why are you even here, shouldn’t you use the me-free room to fuck?” he asks and Monty and Miller share a look. Oh god.

“Please tell me that our room is still there?”

“Sure,” Monty says “But…”

“We got a new room.” Miller finishes

“What do you mean ‘we’?”

They look at each other.

“Seriously? Why?”

Miller shrugs while Monty’s face gets dark. “Apparently Clarke was feeling guilty so she asked if there was a new room that we could have together and apparently Jasper has been wanting to move into one of the houses anyway so we’re officially moving into Monty’s room.”

“Clarke was feeling guilty for nearly getting you killed, please don’t forget that,” Monty adds and Miller just shrugs.

“Uh, happens,” he says.

“Wait, so what happens to me?” he asks and he’s really not sure if he wants to hear the answer.

They share a look again. “Well, you can stay in the old right room for the time being…” Monty trails off. “I think there’s a general consensus that you’re gonna move in with Bellamy?”

Murphy feels his face going pale. “What?”

“Apparently you had a really public really awesome reconciliation?” Miller offers.

“I mean, yeah,” Murphy shakes his head. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna move in with him.”

Why the fuck would he do that? There is something between them but they haven’t had a normal conversation since god knows when and Murphy isn’t even sure what they are. Bellamy being gone doesn’t make him feel any more secure about this.

Miller and Monty are looking at each other again. “I mean you could always move in with Jackson, if they really need the room.” Yes, with Jackson, who’s pregnant and probably spends his free time making out with Miller’s dad. Here are two things he doesn’t need in his life.

“And until the two of you are ready to live together.”

“Just because you are disgustingly in love doesn’t mean everyone else is.”

Monty goes bright red. Miller looks at him from under lowered eyelids with a smile on his face.

“What?” Murphy says when they both haven’t said anything after a minute.

“We haven’t had that conversation yet,” Miller answers and Murphy wants to hit them over the heads. As if these two need a conversation for that. Stupid people in love…

Murphy just shakes his head at them.

“So can I have some more food now?”

 

* * *

 

“Please tell me my ass is okay?” Murphy asks a day later when he’s lying naked on the mattress and Jackson is inspecting his injuries.

“I don’t know, did it look kind of weird and cut open before?” Jackson gives him a grin when Murphy throws a look of pure hatred over his shoulder.

He doesn’t really care about his ass that much it’s mostly the fact that he’ll have to sit on it for the rest of his life and he doesn’t think that sitting on big scars might be the most comfortable thing.

“You got a really big bruise right on your coccyx.”

Murphy raises his eyebrows.

“Your tailbone. It would be uncomfortable if you tried to sit on it. Since you can’t do that because of your back it’ll probably be gone before your back heals.”

“Does it mean I’m allowed to go to the toilet without supervision?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank god,” he groans and then actually groans when Jackson starts doing something at his back.

“Are you trying to fucking kill me?” he snarls and Jackson clicks his tongue.

“I need to clean the wounds or they’ll get infected. They’re healing really well, nearly everything is covered in scab.”

“Maybe because I’ve been lying here for… how long has it been?”

“About four days.” Four days on this mattress – and two days since Bellamy left. Unbelievable.

But at least he’s allowed to drink and even eat things that aren't fluids again.

“And when will I be allowed to leave?” he asks and raises his upper body for Jackson to wrap some bandages around it again. ‘Minimizing the risk of infection’ Jackson had said but Murphy just wants to be able to get up again.

“About two days. I want everything to scab over and I’m not so happy about your arm.”

Murphy looks down at his bandaged arm. He hasn’t seen the wound yet but he knows that they had to put some Grounder stuff on it to cauterize the cuts because it had been bleeding so badly.

“So what, you’re gonna keep me in here until there’s not even a scratch on me?” That would probably never happen.

Jackson smiles and shakes his head. “Unfortunately, we can’t. But I’m not gonna send you out there to die. Trousers?”

Murphy buries his head in the pillow and raises his hips to let Jackson pull his sweatpants back up. He hates being in here.

“I’m gonna get you some food,” Jackson says and Murphy nods. He pulls Bellamy’s shirt from under his pillow and buries his nose in it. It calms him down.

 

* * *

 

“Are you able to sit up, Mr Murphy?” Clarke’s mother asks him the next morning and Murphy turns around to see her, Kane, Miller’s dad and Jackson standing in the room. Wonderful.

“Am I allowed to sit up?” he asks and she raises her eyebrows at him.

Jackson rushes to his side and with the help of Clarke’s mum they get him up on his knees and then make him sit down which fuck, it really hurts. He had totally forgotten about his bruised ass.

He gasps in pain and Jackson immediately checks the wounds on his back. Apparently nothing ripped open so he’s good but fuck, this is really uncomfortable, especially since he’s only wearing pants and those bandages around his chest.

“This really couldn’t wait?” Jackson asks and puts a blanket around Murphy.

“It can’t,” Kane answers and Clarke’s mother gives him a smile that makes him want to run away.

“We’ll keep it as quick as possible, won’t we?” She gives Kane a forceful look and he just looks straight back at her. Murphy follows the silent struggle for dominance with his eyes and tries to cover his nose. They’re stinking up the whole place and he hates it and it starts making him anxious.

And then Kane lowers his gaze and a triumphant smile plays across the doctor’s lips.

“Well then,” Kane starts and everyone makes room for him. “You have been at the City of Light with Thelonious Jaha?” he asks and Murphy rolls his eyes.

“Duh, everyone knows that.”

Kane gives him an unimpressed look. Out of the corner on his eye he sees Jackson openly grinning and Miller’s dad trying to suppress a smile.

“Have you ever been separated from him during your stay?” Kane follows up on his question and Murphy shrugs.

“The whole time actually? We had an argument when we reached it and I stayed in some weird lighthouse that had all kinds of cool stuff.”

“And Thelonious?”

“No idea. He disappeared and showed up two weeks later and asked if I wanted to go back. I didn’t really have anything better to do.” Murphy shrugs again and Kane exchanges a look with Clarke’s mother.

“And he never mentioned anything about a bomb or destroying humanity?”

“He kept talking about our destiny and crazy stuff like that.”

Kane looks down at his pad, frustration clouding his face.

“How did you survive two weeks in a lighthouse?” Clarke’s mother interferes.

“There was electricity. Through… um, what are they called, these things that get power from the sun?” Fuck, he knows the word, he knows that he knows…

“Solar panels.”

“Yeah, those. Everything worked as soon as I got them clean.”

“And was there anything that you think might have been weird?”

Murphy bites his lip. He’s not sure how weird it is but… “There was a video? From some guy who apparently lived there? And he talked about something like ‘she got the launch codes’? And then he shot himself.”

Kane hums. “Well, Thelonious has been talking about a computer program named A.L.I.E. that destroyed the world. I guess we know how she did it.”

He already knows that but he doesn’t tell Kane. It makes sense that the computer program is the ‘she’ the guy talked about though. Fuck, Murphy could have probably figured that out himself…

“Would you be able to find the way back?” Clarke’s mother asks and Murphy blows up his cheeks.

“Probably not?” he answers. “I mean… there was a solar panel field or whatever and then there was water and then we were there…” He shrugs and knows that he’s not being helpful.

But they’re all looking at him.

“The solar panel field came before the water? It wasn’t next to the lighthouse?”

“Nah, that one had its own panels.”

Kane whistles. “Well, that is something Thelonious didn’t tell us.”

“Yay?” Murphy offers and Clarke’s mother smiles at him again.

“You’ve been a great help, Mr Murphy.”

He just raises his shoulders slowly because he doesn’t know what to say and flinches because it does kind of hurt.

“If that’s all?” She looks at Kane, who’s nodding and seemingly already lost in his thoughts.

“Thank you,” Kane murmurs and Murphy refrains from shrugging but nods.

He watches them leave and is suddenly alone with Jackson and Miller’s dad.

“Are you okay?” Jackson asks and Murphy takes a deep breath.

“My ass hurts like hell,” he hisses, and Jackson murmurs:  
“I know the feeling.”

It’s so quiet that it takes Murphy a moment to understand it but then he hears Miller’s dad choke on his own spit and he looks at Jackson in pure horror. Jackson looks pretty horrified himself.

“Please forget that I said that.”

“I will never be able to forget that. It’s in my mind. I think I’m going blind.”

Miller’s dad is still coughing and Murphy turns around to him and yeah, that isn’t better.

“If your son could see this…” he trails off because Miller’s dad looks at him wide-eyed.

“No,” he simply says and Murphy wiggles his eyebrows.

“Do you want to lie down again?”

“Do I have a choice?”

And then Miller’s dad and Jackson help him back on his stomach and pull the blanket around him. Jackson takes special care so that he’s all tucked in.

“You’re already practicing or what?” he asks and Jackson rolls his eyes at him.

“Shut up, Murphy.”

Murphy smiles and tugs Bellamy’s shirt under his face again. The whole room smells like Alpha and since his body knows that there is another Alpha for him he doesn’t really feel comfortable with the smell around him.

 

* * *

 

The first time Murphy gets out of his bed without anyone supervising him he falls face first on the floor and scrapes his knee. It’s just one more hurt so he doesn’t care about it but there’s a very stern look from Jackson later that day when he checks his over.

Apparently lying in bed for nearly a week and then just getting up isn’t good for your body. So he has to let his body get used to it again. Jackson lets him walk around the bed, one hand on it and Jackson next to him until he feels like he’s going to be dizzy. He finally gets real food because if he’s moving his body needs the energy again.

So one week after the explosion he’s back in his own room – but he’ll have to come back to medical twice a day to have his wounds checked – lying on his stomach on his bed with Bellamy’s shirt under his pillow and looking at the empty one that belonged to Miller.

He’s not sure if they’re still going to hang out now that he and Monty have a room together and he actually feels sad about it. He’s grown to like the two of them. And it’s not like he has anything to do at the moment. Jackson told him that standing would put too much strain on his back and there isn’t really anything else to do besides sewing and Murphy isn’t that bad with a needle but they don’t even have enough work for the people currently doing it.

So he’s reduced to lying on his bed, trying to rest so that his back and arm heal fast, so that he can get back to being a useful member of this camp. Technically he could sit up because the bruise on his ass has faded away enough so sit without wanting to cry but he can’t lean against anything yet, so lying seems like the best option.

Someone knocks on his door and before Murphy can say anything it opens. He turns his head around and sees Raven at the door. Which, yay, he’s very happy about having to deal with her now that he can’t even move properly.

“You got a minute?” she says and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

Murphy tries to shrug but remembers that shrugging isn’t a good idea so he says: “Yeah, what’s going on?”

Maybe Bellamy is back. Maybe Bellamy is back and he realised that he wants nothing to do with Murphy and sent her as his emissary. He stops this train of thought before it can take root because this kind of stuff is exactly what brought them into the mess the first time.

She sighs and looks everywhere but him. “I was told that I have been a bit of a bitch in the last few weeks.”

Murphy scrunches his nose. “You’re always a bitch…”

She looks at him, rage in her eyes. “Remember that time you shot and disabled me for life?”

“Remember that time you were gonna trade me for your cheating boyfriend?”

She looks at him and takes a deep breath. “I’m trying to apologise here, Murphy, don’t make me drop something on your back.”

He doesn’t get why she’s doing this. She’s never liked him anyway.

She doesn’t say anything else and just keeps looking at her fingers.

“Was that the apology?” he asks and she shrugs.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Good.”

“Awesome.”

She gets back up and makes a step towards the door. Her hand hovers before it and she looks back at him.

“Friendly advice, now that we’re good? If you hurt Bellamy again I will rip your dick off.”

Murphy’s fingers clench in the blanket. “I won’t.”

She raises one eyebrow and gives him a look that tells him that she’s obviously expecting him to fuck up at some point in the future.

“Okay, message received,” he says and rolls his eyes.

Raven puts a false smile on her face. “Good. See you later.”

And then she’s gone. And Murphy has absolutely no idea what the fuck just happened.

 

* * *

 

What happens is that apparently everyone – or more like the Hundred – had been under the impression that Murphy had been the one at fault – not that he blamed them – and had righteously hated him just for Bellamy’s sake. Which, okay… Murphy is used to being the person nobody likes but getting told by people he really doesn’t care about that they’re glad that him and Bellamy are okay now is really not something he had ever thought is possible.

He can actually walk and sit again without people tripping or dropping something on him. It’s… nice actually but every bit of excitement of not dreading the thought of going outside gets washed away by the fact that Bellamy isn’t here and Murphy really wants to hit him for that.

Or he would like to hit him if he wouldn’t be late already, four days over his estimated time of arrival.

And nobody knows how the Grounders are going to react. Nobody knows if they’re still alive.

 

* * *

 

He is just getting out of the rebuilt bathroom – the first time he has been allowed to clean himself completely since the explosion – and his arms and back hurt because he scrubbed himself as clean as he could without reopening the wounds on his back or on his arm. His hair is still wet and he probably shouldn’t be out in the open like that but he doesn’t really care at the moment, he’ll be inside soon anyway.

When he gets out of the tragic excuse of a bathroom people are yelling, no one is doing any work and… and there is an army of Grounders right outside the gate. Which… is something Murphy really doesn’t need at the moment.

And then everything ‘clicks’ in his head. Either they mounted Bellamy and the others on spears to show them what they think about them or they’re back.

Murphy walks – and he would love to jog but Jackson said not too much movement – towards the largest group of people. He can see Monty and Raven and Miller and nearly everyone he knows and then there’s Clarke, standing in front of them, a bunch of Grounders at her side.

She seems to be saying something that Murphy can’t hear and he doesn’t really care.

“And hopefully this alliance will work out better than the last one,” Clarke says with a smile on her face that is so fake it gives Murphy anxiety. “Not that we didn’t manage to rescue our people without any help.” She looks at the Grounder knothead and Murphy can see her jaw clench and snorts probably too loud because there are some people around him snickering.

He comes to stop next to Monty. “Is everyone back?” he asks nonchalant and he hears Raven sigh.

“He’s in his room getting cleaned up.”

Murphy gives her a look that says ‘fuck you’ and Raven flips him off and then Murphy turns to Monty who’s looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“I’ll just…” he says and Monty nods understandingly. He half expects a pat on the back.

“Have fun, make good choices.”

Murphy punches him in the arm. “Screw you.”

“Ow, didn’t Jackson say no penetrative sex for the next month?”

And Murphy isn’t thinking about sex. He’s thinking about punching Bellamy in the face for leaving _and_ for being late. He leaves without another word and makes his way towards Bellamy’s room, passing excited people on the way but fortunately no one who wants to talk to him about anything.

He stops before Bellamy’s door, thinking about what to say but before he can overthink this he knocks loudly and hears Bellamy curse. Footsteps come closer to the door and then it’s open.

And Bellamy Blake, shirtless and barefoot, stubble on his face, smelling like he hasn’t showered in a week is standing before him.

Murphy would like to say that he does something really responsible like telling Bellamy that this isn’t acceptable and that he was very hurt by him leaving.

Instead he smashes his fist in Bellamy’s face. His right fist.

Which, okay… is definitely not his best idea. It hurts like hell.

Bellamy stumbles backwards, blood dripping from his lip and Murphy hits him in the chest with the palm of his left hand. Again and again until Bellamy grips his hand suddenly, and Murphy is just so angry at him.

“I’m sorry,” Bellamy says and Murphy shakes his head.

“You can’t just leave,” forces out through clenched teeth. Bellamy nods and Murphy rips his arm free to hit him again.

But then Bellamy’s hands are on his cheeks and Bellamy’s mouth is on his, tasting like blood and his tongue pressing between his lips and Murphy moans.

He wraps his arms around Bellamy’s neck and curses his right arm for hurting. Bellamy moves them backwards, against the door and Murphy yelps when his back comes in contact with it.

“Shit, sorry,” Bellamy mumbles and puts his hand under Murphy’s thighs. He lifts him up and on his hips and Murphy wraps his legs as much around them as possible.

It is pheromones. It’s an Alpha and an Omega recognising each other and Murphy knows that they should probably stop but he really doesn’t want to. And then they fall down on the mattress and he’s sitting on top of Bellamy, still kissing him, still so close to him and Bellamy pulls away.

“You want this, right?” Bellamy pants against his lips and Murphy nods frantically.

“You?”

“Fuck yeah.”

He moans when Bellamy buries a hand in his hair and turns his head to the side to lick and bite on his neck.

His scrapped knee is digging uncomfortably into his mattress, his face – hell, his whole skin is still covered in bruises and cuts but there’s nothing better at the moment then Bellamy touching him, kissing him, licking and biting into his skin so carefully, managing to tear off Murphy’s shirt at some point.

He’s got his injured arm loosely wrapped around Bellamy’s neck, the other one touching his back, his chest and he uses his nail to scratch over one of Bellamy’s nipples.

Bellamy moans against his skin, hips buckling up, cock hard against Murphy’s and Murphy wants nothing more than to fuck him but then he remembers.  
“Wait,” he pants and Bellamy stops touching him faster than Murphy would like.

“What, are you okay?” Bellamy’s voice is rough and his lips are red and Murphy bites his own. God he wants him.

“I’m not allowed to have penetrative sex for a few weeks,” he explains and the look on Bellamy’s face goes from worried to amused.

“Were you planning on having penetrative sex?” he ask and Murphy rolls his eyes.

“I don’t know, is that a gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”

Bellamy chuckles and kisses Murphy, slow and intimate and every single nerve in his body lights up.

“Am I allowed to get you off?” he asks and Murphy’s hips buck up.

“Probably?” he asked no one for specifics. “But I can’t really lie on my back–”

But Bellamy has already lifted him up – and doesn’t everything that’s Omega inside of him croon at that – and dumped him on his belly on the mattress.

Which… okay.

“I guess romance is dead?” he asks and Bellamy bends over him to kiss him again.

Murphy’s head is uncomfortably tilted to the side, his back bent because he’s propping himself up on his elbows and Bellamy is still kissing him when he rips his trousers down over his ass.

Murphy wants to tell him that it’s incredibly sexist to assume that Omegas reach orgasms best through penetration because as a male Omega Murphy does have a dick – and Jackson would be so proud of him for that thought – but honestly? He’s wet, he’s needy, Bellamy’s smell is all around him and if he can’t get his cock in him than his fingers are totally okay. Fingers probably count as penetrative sex but Murphy is totally okay with ripping his back open for this.

“You okay?” Bellamy asks and Murphy snorts.

“Seriously?” he asks because Bellamy’s the one who’s close to his ass, he must be able to smell Murphy’s arousal.

“I’m just asking…” Bellamy mumbles and spreads Murphy’s cheeks with both hands.

He feels his thumbs at his entrance and grips the mattress even harder.

He expects a finger, maybe even two but then he feels Bellamy’s stubble against his skin.

And then Bellamy’s tongue swipes against his hole.

“What–” Murphy pants turning his head around. “You can’t just…”

He couldn’t do this with Murphy. With a female Omega, yes, but not with someone like Murphy.

Bellamy licks again and Murphy gasps. He’s caught in a circle of being horrified and horny and he can’t seem to get out of it.

“I can’t just what?” Bellamy asks, smile in his voice. One of his fingers dips into Murphy’s hole, his tongue following and Murphy knows that it can’t be going more than a couple of inches in but it feels like so much more.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” Bellamy comments and Murphy writhes on the bed, rubbing his dick against the mattress.

“And just for me.”

Murphy buries his head in the mattress, knuckles going white as Bellamy pushes his finger in deeper, brushing against his prostate while his tongue licks into him as much as it can. Murphy feels the slick running down his thighs and he squirms on the bed.

“You could probably just slide in,” he teases and gasps as Bellamy bites him on the buttock.

“Don’t be such a tease.” There’s a strain in his voice and he goes right back to licking at Murphy’s hole, pushing his tongue into him while slowly fucking him with one finger.

Murphy just groans into the mattress, hips still rubbing against it.

He feels his orgasm building up soon, the combined effort of the friction on his cock, Bellamy’s finger and tongue fucking him. It’s one of the most mind-blowing orgasms he’s ever had and he screams into the mattress when it hits him and clenches around Bellamy’s fingers and tongue.

“Fuck,” Bellamy groans and he feels three fingers push into him. He’s oversensitive, he’s sore, but the fingers are gone in an instant and Bellamy flops down next to him. His pants are already pushed down, his cock lying against his stomach and one slick-covered hand is vigorously jacking himself off.

He’s using different rhythms on his cock and the knot that’s already starting to form at the base of it and Murphy would love to help him, but he doesn’t think he can move at all.

He drags himself half on top of Bellamy and Bellamy buries on hand in his hair and pushes his tongue into his mouth. Murphy blushed at the taste of his own slick on Bellamy’s tongue and moves his left hand down to Bellamy’s chest and rolls his nipple between his fingers. Bellamy shudders under him, his hips pushing up, cock rubbing against Murphy’s thigh. It’s still covered in slick and Bellamy moans at the contact so Murphy moves it down and lets Bellamy rub against him while – he breaks the kiss off and takes a look down – massaging his knot.

He latches onto Bellamy neck, slowly and carefully sinking his teeth into the scent glands and Bellamy’s whole body bucks up. His thigh is brushing against the knot, come pooling between his own and Bellamy’s body and Bellamy is lying on his bed, panting, staring at Murphy with this look in his eyes as if Murphy just deep-throated and swallowed around him and not just gave him some really inadequate help.

“You’re the best,” Bellamy says. “Fuck.”

More come is spurting out of his cock. It’s a fascinate sight. “The absolute best.”

Murphy hums softly and Bellamy pushes his trousers down and off and grabs one of the blankets at the other end of the bed.

They’re sweaty, dirty and covered in jizz but Bellamy doesn’t seem to mind and just puts an arm around Murphy and pulls the blanket over them.

It’s quiet around them for a few minutes, just their own breathing and Bellamy is tracing patterns only he can see into Murphy’s skin.

“If you leave again, I’ll cut your dick off,” Murphy says suddenly and then realises that this might not be the best thing to say. But Bellamy just laughs.

“I’m really sorry for that. It won’t happen again.”

Murphy looks at him.

“It won’t happen again without me telling you first?” Bellamy tries and Murphy puts his head down on Bellamy’s chest. He thinks he can live with that.

“Wouldn’t be right just leaving my…” Bellamy trails off, a look of confusion and slight panic on his face.

Murphy keeps looking at his chest.

The thing is… he’s not in love with Bellamy Blake. He likes him. He has some kind of feelings for him and there is definitely a lot of attraction and he wants them to be something.

But they have barely spend a week together since Murphy came back and while he knows that he could love Bellamy, that it will happen and probably even very soon, he knows that he’s not at that stage yet.

“Boyfriend?” he asks and feels stupid even saying it. God damn it, who is he? Miller and Monty?

“Yeah, but I mean we’re totally…” Bellamy shrugs and throws a questioning look at him. “Like in a few months? When we’re both…”

“Used to it?” Murphy offers and Bellamy nods.

“Yeah, gotta find out how everything works.”

His face lights up and he realises that Bellamy must be feeling the same.

“Yeah, I mean who knows…” Murphy adds and Bellamy smiles and bends down to kiss him.

They trade lazy kisses for a while before Murphy breaks away again. “So I’m gonna keep my room and no bonding until…”

“We can say … you know.” Bellamy says. Murphy gets it. No bonding until they are both comfortable saying that they love each other.

“Absolutely,” he agrees.

“I’m so glad we’re on the same page.” The words burst out of Bellamy and Murphy chuckles.

“That could’ve been a very awkward conversation.”

They both look at each other. “It was pretty awkward,” Bellamy says and Murphy nods in agreement.

“How do people do that?”

“I guess they have too much sex to concentrate on stuff like this?”

Probably. He’s really looking forward to seeing the Jackson/Miller’s dad relationship unfold.

“Probably,” he agrees and puts his hand under his chin. “So just to clarify: No one got raped, no one is dating someone else, everyone is interested in working on this.” He waves his hand between them.

Bellamy nods, smile on his face and Murphy feels himself blush again. God he’s feeling happy, he wants to smile, this is the most horrible day of his life.

“There’s just one thing,” Bellamy says and Murphy’s mood goes down to his usual level again. “How do you feel about going to the City of Light?”

 

* * *

 

“Absolutely not,” Murphy says thirty minutes later to a room full of people who can definitely smell that he just had sex. He can feel Jackson’s judging look on his back.

“A guide who has already been there would give us an advantage,” the Grounder knothead says in her cold calculated voice.

“Having an army to take down Mt Weather would have given us an advantage too,” Clarke says and Murphy can see the Grounder bitch’s knuckles turn white.

Only Bellamy’s stern look stops him from snorting and laughing at her face.

“But,” Clarke says. “Lexa is right. It would be better to have a guide.”

“But I thought you’re going a different way?” he asks. And it’s not like he remembers how to cross the Dead Zone anyway.

“And I was at a totally different place then Jaha. I’m not gonna be of any help.”

Everyone is quiet for a second, looking at each other, trying to find out what to do about it.

“The Omega might be right, he’s not of any use,” the Grounder bitch says and he can hear Bellamy say “oh god” before he narrows his eyes.

“Excuse me?” he asks and makes a step forward. He can hear weapons being drawn and someone is trying to talk to him but she just looks at him.

“Did I offend you?” she asks and Murphy gives her an exasperated look.

“Yes.”

“I was just stating facts…”

Murphy wants to bury his knife in her chest.

“Skaïkru don’t react well to being narrowed down to their designation,” Clarke says. “Unlike… some people.”

The Grounder bitch swallows. “Then I am sorry that I insulted you…”

“Murphy.”

“Murphy of the Sky people.”

Murphy just grunts and takes a step back.

“A guide that hasn’t been to where we want to go is of course useless, no offense meant.”

Bellamy says. “Oh god no.”

Murphy looks at her and smiles. It is so on.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you agreed to go to the City of Light,” Bellamy says when they’re in medical to let Jackson take a look at Murphy’s wounds. Everything is itching and he’s not sure if it’s hurting or if he’s just feeling but they’re here just in case that they really managed to reopen a few of his wounds. Murphy really hopes that everything is okay, he doesn’t need to be judged for amazing orgasms.

“You’re not even fully healed,” Bellamy continues, holding Murphy’s hand in his own, playing with his fingers and Murphy would feel awkward and annoyed by it if it wouldn’t make him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“You wanted to go,” Murphy says and narrows his eyes. “Were you going to leave me again?”

“No! I would have stayed here with you. Now Miller and Monroe have to keep everyone in check.”

And god knows what Clarke’s mother and Kane are gonna do when neither Clarke nor Bellamy nor Jackson – who’s apparently also joining them as a doctor even though he really shouldn’t travel in his condition – are there to stop them.

“And now we’re going,” he shrugs and Bellamy shakes his head.

“I can’t believe you let Lexa bait you into coming along.”

“At least we’re gonna spend time together,” he shrugs. So what? He’s doesn’t care about her and her obvious feelings for Clarke. Not at all.

“By the way,” he says and the smile on his face must be too big because Bellamy looks at him like he expects something really bad to happen. “You know what would really hurt Lexa? Thinking that you’re dating Clarke.”

“Murphy no.”

 

* * *

 

In the end Jackson throws his hands up at him, because he apparently managed to rip half of his back open and the only reason he didn’t feel it was because his body decided to pump out adrenaline because of all the Alphas in his general vicinity.

He gets a whole week of bed rest and by the time he’s allowed to walk again the party for the City of Light has already left.

Everyone keeps telling him about the look on Lexa’s face when Bellamy kissed Clarke straight on the mouth and it’s honestly worth it.

Also Bellamy spends nearly every waking hour with him and Murphy gets to know a whole new side of him.

**Author's Note:**

> When I started writing this fic, weeks before I had finished the 100 I would have never expected it to turn into this monster of a fic that thankfully distracts me from writing my thesis. But here we are 60 000 words later and it’s done. And that’s partially due to you, the readers, who managed to motivate me with your comments into writing more and more Angst and of course, giving them a happy end. Or as happy as you can get on the Ground.
> 
> There probably won’t be a multi-chaptered thing for a few months, mostly because I do have to write my thesis eventually, but I’m gonna try to finish the 5 or 6 smut one shots I started writing months ago so you can look forward to that. I also have two prompts I still need to fill so yeah.
> 
> If there is anything you would like to see me write: Prompts are open, keep them coming.
> 
> If there is some kind of deleted scene from this series that you would like to see, ask in my comments or in my askbox on tumblr. For example, this is stuff that I want to write at some point.  
> ↪ Murphy and Bellamy tying the knot *snickers* and bonding  
> ↪ Bellamy and Clarke in Polis (aka the one where Clarke and Lexa meet again)
> 
> Again thank you so much for the comments, the kudos, the messages on tumblr and I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it.
> 
> As always, follow me on [ tumblr](http://www.everknowing.tumblr.com) if you want.


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